Marriage in India is like a festival where people are so overdressed as if they want to experiment all the dresses in their wardrobes on that one day.
This post is not about marriage. I share something personal about my wedding. Actually, a day before my wedding, we had the engagement and exchange of those heavy studded rings that I packed and locked in my wardrobe for last seven years. I respect the sentiment of the day but to tie a relationship with a heavy priced ring is somewhat unlike me.
I was on the stage that was decorated like an Academy Awards event with all those clothes much heavier than me. All the puja and ceremonies started and I was completely surrounded by my husband’s family. My parents were missing.
I could see something happening behind the food stalls and I found my father struggling with my relatives. Relatives that were part of my mom’s extended family.
In our culture, the girl who is sitting in the puja is not supposed to leave it. People around me could make out that I was just not interested in the puja. I was leaning towards my right to see my father. I waited for few minutes but still my heart was not ready to sit and watch. I got up, threw my chunari (a stole that groom’s family gives the bride for the new beginning). I had to take it off as it was hard to get down with that chunari. I walked up to the food stalls and just forgot it’s my engagementJ.
I shouted – stop this here and please leave.
I was not interested in knowing the facts around what happened, who started and etc. For me, it was most important to protect my parents. I knew they were being screwed up as it was my engagement. It was becoming an opportunity for others to raise questions and situations so that my parents get weak and my engagement ends with misery. I was prepared for the worse.
The moment I went back to the stage, I could listen to remarks for me. Some called me ‘dominating’, some called me ‘fast’, some called me ‘manner less’, some called me ‘rebellion to customs and rituals’. My husband still married meJ as he supported what I did.
But my image is still the same for last 7 years for many people. Whatever I did in these 7 years could not change their point of view for me. Maybe, first impression is the best impression or the worst impression for me.
I HAVE A QUESTION?
If a guy would have done the same thing, he would have been applauded. Wow! You did a great job, you are a good son. A daughter did the same thing so she is tagged with negative comments. She is judged every time even if she makes a small ignorable mistake, like a bad tea. This post is a question for many to answer to themselves was it wrong if I stood for my parents? What is my mistake that even if I say ‘A’, people listen to it as ‘C’?
For me life is around 6 words – good, bad, right, wrong, yes and no. I lived and will always like this as there is no transformation in me, if you see something wrong happening around you. I tried hard to be diplomatic but I failed. That is just not me. I know, I will live these criticisms for the rest of my life but I am happy as I lived the way, I wanted to live!
