My Birthday Week and what I want to gift myself. I just read a message that a special friend sent to me and I laughed.
It says – at times one does not have a choice other than being strong and this is the beginning of my birthday week. To be strong for myself and always carry a BIG SMILE on my face....J.
I was talking to my mother and sharing that I do not want to be with some people on my birthday, who gave me just pain and negative energy. They did all they could do, knowing that ‘I’ would be hurt and left broken. They are my people with whom I grew and those whom I chose to be part of my life. I was determined that I would not even attend their wish calls on my birthday.
Strange!!
I get a call from one of them and I spoke as if I have no regrets of there being in my life. I spoke without letting them know, how I felt when I was tagged with titles and names. How I felt, when my character became a blank paper for them, to certify the way they wanted. I reacted at times as you cannot accept beyond your patience.
Much above, how I struggle within inside me when the past hits me, at odd hours of being alone. A question that my heart asks me – if they would have been good in the last 7 or 11 years, my life would have been different. Now, after reading my book, when they are showing change or even if they are faking, can they give me my all those years back. My mind answers – a BIG NO!!
But then the same mind asks me, what will change now, if I hold the past and drag things. I also cannot get my lost time by dragging things ahead.
I have spent my life by not expressing even when I knew the truth that my own people faked with me and I will spend rest of my life on the same note. I will be humble to them irrespective of the truth as I always believe – ‘In any relationship what I GIVE matters to me. I am ACCOUNTABLE for my actions. GOD will see my honesty to myself and will DECIDE my fate’.
This post is for my readers who might have travelled the same roads of life, like me. I know it is hard to forget but it is easy to forgive. Just live on one thing – I will give my best in any relationship. If it worked, you did your best. If I did not, somewhere it was not meant to be!
My gift to myself and to my readers – Give your BEST!
Cheerio!!
