Q)
Good Night!
Why is tomorrow so special?
Today, it was my last kickboxing session. I have stopped it for a month for my knee to recover. Tomorrow will be my first class for ‘Fine Arts’ with my teacher. I have hired a personal art teacher to meliorate my painting skills. She specializes in different forms of fine arts.
I want to learn oil painting, ceramic art, charcoal painting, glass painting and much more in next few months. These days I am painting ceramic stuff and I am collecting all of them to make my gallery for my friends. I have got metallic acrylic colours to paint some diyas and idols. Colours give us energy and positivityJI have learned one thing by now. After completing 9 years of most committed relationship of my life (even if I want to leave but it will not leave me...will live and die with me...just like Jack tells Kate in the movie Titanic ....’Rose’- you jump...’I’ jump)...I am talking about my knee pain...lol...I have become friends with it. I hug, I kiss and I embrace my realityJ
Q) After watching Amy’s video, I sat for a while asked a question to myself– ‘If life would have been a book and I was the author, what would have been my story?’
‘I imagined myself around 70 kgs at this age and 3 children (1 boy and 2 girls), playing around with me and I am working in one of the best companies with a travel plan to cover one destination each year with my husband and family. Weekends would be taking kids to play and participate into different activities and then munching all kinds of junk food. Yes, a very big no to exercise. A complete family with sisters, brothers, cousins and inlawsJ’
I opened my eyes and I was aloneJ...lolI looked around and there was nothing but ‘silence’. In deep silence you can listen to your inner voice. It emphasises only one fact that I have to let go off my dreams that do not belong to this Archana. Those were of someone who was not me and was not suffering like me. The problem is that I am still holding that Archana though my condition is changing and I am not changing myself.
I decided, I will put all my certificates, my credentials and my dancing stuff into a bag and just dump it away from my eyes. Well said, ‘Out of sight, out of mind’. I have understood that I can only dance for a wedding or maybe just a party that too for few minutes. My certificates will not get me a job as my medical reports are more powerful than my grades, so why am I investing time on something that is not mine anymoreJ. Family and relations will not understand as they are not going through it so it is not their fault, it is my destiny.
I have done all this today as before I start afresh, Miss Archana Kapoor has to be shown the doorJSo no more dancing and no more job hunt!
Q)If God asks me to change my condition now, what would be my answer?
‘Nopes’, God you are late nowJ
I love this relationship of 9 years with pain. I cannot live without it. You have taken the best moments of my life that you cannot give me now. But I thank God and my medical condition as they helped me to identify what all I could do. A content editor giving swimming sessions was a surprise to me as well. One who never felt to fill her job application writes for many people is a miracle in itself. One who was always above 75 kgs weighs just 50 kgs for last 3 years. God took the best from me because he wanted me to understand how to better myself without the best. I am not sure where will life go from tomorrow but it would be for this Archana who is aware of her flaws that are now her ONLY ASSESTS!
If someone, somewhere is broken as you could not achieve your dreams or desires then let me make you feel better by just one thing – ‘Look at those who have nothing to dream but still they live with happiness and courage because at the end of the day no matter what – LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!’. I want to live my quality time beautifully as time and tide waits for none!
Never know – Kal Ho Na Ho!!Good Night!
