I was reading about the latest Hollywood flick - Thor and each time I read it as 'ROT'. I could see it as 'Thor' but still read it as 'ROT'. It is my anniversary and I am happy. But somewhere this misreading 'Thor' as 'ROT' disturbed me a lot. I almost cried. I lit a lamp in my home temple and asked 'God' - will I rot and die. I know degenerative joint condition is like slow rotting of human body but when I think the word 'ROT', I find myself in pain. I wiped out my tears. I changed my ring tone to 'Exotica', deleted my painting of Leonid Afremov's repoduction, I deleted the birthday poem files and ..all my meaningless shayari for my friends around me in real and virtual lives. I told myself - you have to decide you want to die with pride or rot like an apple.
I tried to divert my attention by being on Facebook...attending calls but I am bad at pretending or acting. My friend came to my home, we gossiped but the word 'rot' kept me bothering. I called mom, starting chatting as I just wanted to be peaceful without bothering my mind. I have an order of two chocolate boxes to be done. I missed my workouts as I want to relax for a day and then hit the gym.....I changed my profile pic to my wedding pic......:)
Finally, I will sleep for a while after eating an anti-depressant. I will wear a nice dress tonight with lot of makeup. I have to be fine for many people who have some expectations from me.
The best way to get out of pain is to disconnect from your own emotions. World needs to be seen with a different perspective. It is my anniversary and I want to enjoy it with a big smile. I make everyone feel special in their lives. I should also follow it for myself.................I do not want arthritis patients to get a negative image of their condition. We might rot but we will try to survive!
Cheers!
