Well...I have said ‘Yes’....For what???
It has been 11 months, I have lived with one idea that I would never work as a swimming coach. Though there was a time I loved this profile much more than my research or training job with top MNCs. I joined Secunderabad Club on 1st April 2010 and left on 10th April 2010 as I was happy since things were changing within me and in my life. BUT things completely changed to something unexpected and somewhere I developed a mental block that if I would have not been ignorant towards myself, I would have been progressed to the next level. I should have not taken up the swimming coach job but it was too late to repent.
I have worked as a coach for two hotels and one club in the last seven years both in Gurgaon and Hyderabad as a part time profile. It was not for money but swimming has been my passion. It is hard to believe but nobody swims in my family and I cannot live without it. It makes my life easier and makes me feel that I am alive. It is the only sport where I received so many compliments and two silver medals. People indeed I must say men always complimented me that my stamina is unbeatable and I am a smooth swimmer. Honestly, I felt proud of myselfJ. Anybody would.
11 months passed and I was firm around my mental block that I will never train anyone. Maybe I was scared or I wanted to punish myself or was running away from my past that might make me relive the same moments again.
I still remember the day I left Secunderabad club, though I just worked for 10 days, I left so many people in disappointment. But I had a valid reason so they could connect to me. Most of you know, I workout at a hotel now. The only reason is to be with myself. It is a place where people will not approach me and ask me to train them. To be honest, I want to be away from temptations as I know if someone approaches me to train them I might get tempted. Not only that we have limited members here and most pf them are phirangsJ.
We get the luxury of a pool and gym under one roof. So my gym trainer admires me for my swimming and referred my name to one of his client to train her. I am surprised as if God has his own
ways of tempting me or making me to work. Last job I did was in Oct 2010 where I handled a project for my friend from home. It was fun to handle his 18 members (male oriented team – all young grads). It was just for 2 months project and I thought from Jan 2011, I will spend time with myself.
I fought with my trainer as he referred my name and I hate to do this anymore. I do not believe – I hate to do this really! I hate being a swimming coach ...I am yet not able to believe.
His client called and asked for my availability. My answer was ‘Not Available’. I behaved so strangely that I added her number to my reject list. One good thing about my reasonable Samsung mobile is it has feature to add people to reject list. They will always find me ‘Not Reachable’J. I know little mean of me but it was not for the client but for me.
Saturday 20th Feb 2011 - She caught me at the gym and was very insistent saying ‘Archana – just a month please’. I was still firm ‘Sorry, I have no time’. Finally, she said ‘take a day and rethink’. She left me with her number.
Monday 21st Feb 2011 – I kept thinking for the whole day and night. I started reliving all that happened from April 2010 to June 2010. My apology calls and letters. The way people reacted and God Knows what all I thought. There was a storm of thoughts and tug of war between mind and heart. Heart says ‘Go Grab This – Prove It To Yourself’ and Mind says ‘Think Again – Did You Forget Something..Here I Recall You’J.
Tuesday 22nd Feb 2011 - While driving to gym, I stopped at Hanuman Temple. It was closed for the afternoon. Smoking is not an option to fight your fears (I have quit it 11 months back as a challenge to myself). I parked the car behind the temple and thought to relax for a while. A short nap to refresh my mind before I hit the gym. I saw lot of messages on the temple wall. A small message on the wall (we would have read 100 times in our life) “GOD HELP THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES”. But today, this was as fresh as ever. Hanumanji again helped me .....HE answered my question .....
I called her and said ‘Let’s catch up at 3 PM in the pool’.
And guess today was my first class as a swimming coach. I have thought of not working for a hotel or club but as a personal trainer (as per my luxury when I feel to). You earn well and you have your own say. This time I am doing it for me. She might need me as a coach but I have to do it for my strength and confidence. It is easy to fight with others but very difficult to fight your own fears. This is an opportunity for me to fight with myself and prove where I stand today.
I am really feeling better after saying ‘Yes’. The best thing was she paid me for today’s session. Money was and is never an issue for me. People who know me personally would agree that I never work for money. But this time when I got the session payment I called my doctor and said ‘I really love you for everything’. That money gave me confidence that I can earn even after so many problems. As I say ‘Where there is a will there is a way’. I will post this on Arthritis Association Dashboards and if my doctor permits me will share with other patients. I want to contradict the below statement “He Who Has Health Has Hope, He Who Has Hope Has Everything". I say it like "He Who Even Does Not Have Health but Has Hope Has Everything". Trust me it is just in the mind.
I am tired and feel to hit the sack but today I will have a sound sleep like a baby who learned to crawl or a bird who just flew for the first timeJ.
Love Yourself!
