I have been always a very extrovert person, and clear in my conversation, and many actions as well. I am not gender biased or one of those who think how to react before they act. I have been a very free minded person who loves to express what she feels....
BUT I must write - I used to be like this.
This July - everything changed for me, and I am sure it will be never the same again. Three things once broken can never be amended - glass, heart and trust. You can use the best adhesive but at last all you will see - will be the 'CRACK' in it....lol!!
At times you spend years to know someone, to find a face to a name, and then one day your life changes , and you regret why you came to know things this way. It happened for me.
A mug with few French words prompted me to make it my profile picture. I thought to celebrate friendship (which was a significant part of my real world). But technology and the file properties showed up a different direction - a name that left me thinking 'am I seeing the right name'. I used all the softwares for checking the properties but it showed up the same name. Things changed!!
In few clicks - everything changed. I was furious...angry...hurt....lol...and at the end an illeist, I guess...not sure. Few seconds changed me forever. My mind was numb. My heart just broke into pieces and it will be never beat the same way ever !
I chose to ask. I chose to question. My mind said - Do It!
But my heart said - Wait. Flip your choice of anger with love.
I relaxed. In front of me was a beautiful family (maybe I wanted to see). I felt like a rushing wave that can spill a beautiful sandcastle. Being there, I was not there. For the first time - I conquered my anger. I asked no questions. I said nothing. I took all the things within me, and I silently walked away.
I could have questioned. I could have defended myself for the names called - but at the end, I knew, my love for a friend is above all these silly questions. Maybe I felt like a trash. There were many why(s), if(s), what(s), that will always be there in my heart - but I chose to accept life.
A room in my heart will have this memory of this friendship. But what about that space that God had created. That's the launch painting of Kala Sutra - Lord Ganesha (as you see below). That's the theme of 2016 Kala Sutra - Divine Friendship. I chose my love for a friend over my anger. I chose my silence over my questions. I chose my friend's happiness over mine. I accepted all blames happily as when you love a friend - you have to accept them as they are. For me - it was a friendship, and that's how Amitie painting happened.
And I just left.....forever!!
Maybe some day....don't know....I actually don't know will God change things...
Few seconds of anger control helped me to sustain and stabilise things.
I might be misunderstood forever - but it's better than being a rushing wave towards a sandcastle.
"Rest of your life - you shall live with your hatred..
Rest of my life - I shall live with my love for a friend" ....(unknown)
This Festival Season - Promise Yourself to do good to your loved ones.
Buona Notte!